


It's a Process

by Plumcot



Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Pining Matt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2015-06-22
Packaged: 2018-04-05 15:09:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4184481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plumcot/pseuds/Plumcot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>First it was attraction, and Matt was nervous.</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Matt's been attracted to Foggy since they first met. He's been in love with him since a few months after that. And he happens to know Foggy shares his feelings. There's just one problem; Matt knows he isn't good enough for Foggy "Heart-of-Gold" Nelson. So he keeps his love secret, and he does it well for many years. But one day a technology mishap sends the truth crashing into plain view...</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's a Process

“Is there a reason you’re out doing your Catholic thing while I’m here doing actual work?”

Matt laughed, the sound echoing off the empty walls of the sanctuary. “By ‘actual work’ do you mean ‘sitting by the office-phone playing candy crush’?”

“I take offense to that! I was playing Tetris.”

“I see, that’s different then.”

A door creaked open. Matt recognized the slow heartbeat and the smell of wood and old books before Father Lantom even announced himself. “Foggy, I gotta go.”

“Sure, you do what you gotta do. Catch you later.”

Matt slipped the phone into his pocket just as Father Lantom was taking the seat beside him, the squeak of his bones creaking and settling as loud in Matt’s ears as a chainsaw. “Matthew! What brings you here?”

Matt gave a small smile. “I just wanted to talk to you about something.” 

“I’m all ears.”

Matt had seen other priests in his lifetime. None of them he would trust with this. But Father Lantom was… different. Both kinder and more modern. Perhaps he had finally found someone he could really talk to about this?

“It’s… it’s about my partner. My law partner, Foggy.”

Father Lantom turned in his seat and settled against the arm of the pew, facing Matt.

“I…” Matt took a deep breath. “I’m in love with him, Father.” 

That’s when he heard it. The whispered, electronic, “Matt?” coming from his coat pocket.

He hadn’t ended the call.

_He hadn’t ended the call._

His chest began to constrict. His head started to hurt. Matt scrambled to pull the phone out – hands shaking - and turn it off, then leapt from his seat. “I’m sorry, but I, I have to-” he didn’t finish his sentence before running for the doors.

“Matthew, wait!”

Matt heard him. Of course he heard him. But he shut his voice out as he ran through the doors and onto the backstreet. 

. . .

_First it was attraction, and Matt was nervous._

_When Matt first walked into dorm 312, he immediately noticed the heartbeat._

_Foggy’s heartbeat – though Matt wouldn’t learn his name for the next minute or so – was elevated. When their hands shook, Foggy’s was warm, and he could feel the beginnings of sweat in his palm. Matt sighed inwardly; not this one too._

_Apparently he’d gotten attractive since he’d last seen a mirror, because this happened all the time. Usually they got over it when they realized Matt wasn’t relationship material, or after they fucked once and got tired of him. He was used to it, but he still had a tendency to panic a little every time he noticed. Please don’t let me like this one. Please don’t let me care if they get tired of me._

_That seemed futile. Foggy was charming, funny, and – he had to admit – a little bit cute. Matt couldn’t stop himself from smiling as Foggy slipped up, calling him good-looking, then rushed to cover it up by making it about women._

_He immediately started preparing himself. You’re going to like this one, and he’s going to leave. Just don’t get too invested, you’ll be fine._

_What he wasn’t prepared for was when Foggy took his arm to lead him to the coffee shop, and his heart started racing too._

. . .

Foggy sat with his jaw dropped and the phone still up to his ear. He felt like he’d just had an A-bomb dropped on him.

He really shouldn’t have been listening in the first place. He’d been meaning to end the call himself but then he heard his name, and… well, who could resist? And now…

Why did Matt have to confide that in Father Lantom, anyway? Was he having some kind of gay crisis? Foggy thought all this as he was gathering his coat and heading out the door. It was time to go rescue his stupid, self-hating best friend. And in the process make a confession of his own.

. . .

_Then it was a crush, and Matt started to panic._

_Foggy was perfect. He was funny and kind and… what was that word? Oh yeah; adorkable. Matt didn’t know where he’d heard it, but it seemed to fit perfectly. And he had a caring streak a mile wide. Foggy was probably the first guy Matt ever knew who insisted on going arm-in-arm everywhere they went._

_Don’t get him wrong; there had been people. The nuns at the orphanage liked to help him around when they had time, and there had been a few significant others who helped when they remembered. But Foggy seemed to feel like there was no other option. And he did it so naturally, as if they belonged close to each other._

_It was sitting in class thinking about this which made Matt realize just how deep he’d already dug his grave._

. . .

When Foggy showed up at the church his heart was beating wildly, and his coat was inside-out. He hadn’t noticed yet.

“Matt!?” He yelled, feeling almost guilty for breaking the silence of the sanctuary. 

“He’s not here.” 

Foggy jolted, and looked over to see Father Lantom walking down the aisle toward him.

“He ran away as soon as he figured out you were listening.”

“And what do you think about all this?” The words had an edge to them. A part of him almost believed it was Father Lantom’s fault that Matt was freaking out. A Catholic upbringing couldn’t be good for the self-acceptance. 

“I think Matthew might not be worried for the reasons you think he is.”

“And what does that mean?”

Father Lantom shrugged. “I’m not in his head. Though I’d wager he’s at his apartment right now, if you’d like to try catching up with him.”

Foggy turned, but hesitated at the door.

“If you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, it’s not gonna. Kiss him, give him a pep talk, I don’t care. Just don’t let him keep wallowing like this.”

“Uh… thanks.”

“Anytime.”

With that, Foggy shot out of the church, in the exact direction Matt had. Great minds, as they say.

. . .

_Then it was love, and Matt was screwed._

_If he tried, Matt could pinpoint the exact moment he knew he was in love with Foggy. It was when he started to worry._

_Matt and Foggy were walking to the cafeteria when Catherine Yates caught up to them in the hallway, twirling her blonde hair around one finger. “Hey, are you guys coming to the party tonight?"_

_By the party, she meant The Party. The one held at Catherine’s father’s huge McMansion, which he was never at, and was therefore prime real-estate for a kegger. They’d learned about it from Jordan, a junior who swore there had been at least five motorcycles driven into the pool last time. Foggy had been enthusing about it ever since. Matt never had the heart to tell him he wasn’t going._

_“Yeah, of course! See ya there!” Foggy grinned and turned to Matt as Catherine bounced away. “Okay, this is going to be the definition of epic!”_

_Matt smiled. “You think?”_

_“Sure! We’ll be attending the mythical ‘crazy college party’, a beast only previously encountered in works of fiction and parental warnings! You have to be at least a little bit excited, right?"_

_“Sure I am, can’t wait.”_

_That night Foggy raced across campus to the parking lot with a smile on his face. He walked arm-in-arm with Matt, who seemed to have forgotten his smile back in their room._

_He’d chickened out. He’d let it go this far, and if he didn’t say anything soon he was going to be in the middle of a throng of screaming college kids, with loud music assaulting his ears and the stench of alcohol and vomit filling his nose._

__But what am I supposed to say? He thought. I can’t go to the party because my super-senses are too sensitive? __

_They finally reached Foggy’s car, a beat-up old stationwagon. Foggy was grinning as he searched his pocket for his keys. “We’re finally going!” He said, keys jingling in his hands. “Can you believe it? We’ve been talking about this since our first day, and we’re finally…” He trailed off when he looked at Matt. “Hey, what’s wrong?”_

_“Nothing’s wrong.”_

_“Bullshit. That’s your brooding face.”_

_Matt sighed. “Foggy, I… Foggy I can’t go to the party.”_

_Foggy frowned. “What? Why not?”_

_“I just…” Think fast, Murdock. “There’ll be so many people and so many loud noises, I’ll be completely disoriented the entire time. Stuff like that… just isn’t as fun for me.”_

_“Oh…_ oh _, I get it.” Foggy was quiet for a second. “Well,” he said, dropping the keys back into his pocket, “cool with me.” He turned – still arm-in-arm with Matt – and started walking back to the dorms._

_Matt’s eyebrows lifted. “Wait, aren’t you going? Foggy you, you don’t have to stay because of me!”_

_“Nah, s’okay. Jordan was probably exaggerating anyway.”_

_Matt tried valiantly to get Foggy to go to the party. He really did. He tried insisting, but Foggy wouldn’t budge. He tried dropping subtle hints, but Foggy either ignored or squashed them. So instead of going to ‘the mythical college party’, they spent the night eating ramen and debating whether Dumbledore was really as much of a good guy as he was set up to be._

_Matt was happy about it. He really was. But beneath that, his stomach kept sinking. And his mind chanted continuously;_ He’s staying here for you, he’s sacrificing his happiness for you, you’re dragging him down, you’re dragging him down… 

. . .

Matt held on until he got to his apartment. He bit his tongue, scrunched up his eyes, clenched his fists, right up until he closed the door and sank to the floor, and then the dam burst and his breath began to spasm, tears falling down his cheeks.

Stupid. That’s what it was. He’d kept it a secret for this long, and what did he finally slip up on? A phonecall. All it took to defeat Matt Murdock was a measly little piece of technology. 

And now what? He couldn’t face Foggy after this, it seemed impossible. Maybe it was finally over? All things come to an end, anyway; it had been foolish to assume that Nelson and Murdock wouldn’t. 

For now he couldn’t think, beyond replays of the incident itself. So he sat in the dark, on the floor. And cried. 

. . .

_Then Foggy was Matt’s entire world, and there was no hope of getting out._

_If Matt was being honest, he didn’t really know how much he loved Foggy for a while. Like a scent you stop noticing after being around too long, feeling at home with Foggy was Matt’s normal. But like they say, you don’t know how much you need something until it’s gone._

_When Foggy found out about Matt’s abilities, Matt’s world crumbled around him._

_Sometimes hopelessness creeps up on you. Sometimes it hits you like a battering ram to the chest, and this was one of those times. Matt felt himself falling into nothingness, his last shreds of hope and happiness being ripped away from him, and with every shuddering breath Foggy took Matt couldn’t help but think,_ I did that. I caused him that pain. I’ve been building him up for this for years, and now I’ve destroyed him. 

_The next few weeks Matt found himself drifting. He felt trapped, as if there was nothing for him no matter which way he looked. Happiness wouldn’t have him, and he was too cowardly to go into death’s arms. All he could do was survive._

_When Foggy came back, it was as if all the joy in the world rushed back to Matt at once. But there was still that little voice in the back of his head._

He came back. After all you did to him he came back. What's that called, Stockholm Syndrome? You’ve ruined him, Murdock. Told you you'd drag him down.

. . .

Foggy was panting when he arrived at Matt’s door. To be fair it was probably his fault; running up to the top floor of the building probably wasn’t the brightest idea, but waiting to see Matt would probably have been less bearable. The sooner he could make everything right, the better.

“Matt!” He rapped on the door. 

No answer.

 _“Matt!”_ He banged louder. Still no answer.

“Alright, I’m coming in!” He pulled out his keyring and searched for the spare key Matt had given him. 

When he opened the door, the first two things he heard were “thunk” and “Ow!”

He peered around to see Matt sitting on the floor, holding his head where the door had whacked him.

“Fuck, Matt, I’m sorry!” Foggy closed the door behind him and went to kneel in front of Matt. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s f-fine.” Matt struggled to keep his voice even, and it showed. Just like his puffy red eyes, and the tears streaking his face. “Just… please go. Please.”

“Matt? You know I love you too, ri-”

“That’s the _problem!”_ Matt’s lower lip trembled, his fists clenching and unclenching. “Of course I know you love me, but you _shouldn’t!_ I’m- I’m not good enough for you Foggy!”

Foggy frowned. “Bullshit, Matt! You-”

“I’m _not!_ Foggy you, you’re kind and caring and gentle and perfect, and would you look at me!? I put on a mask and get injured on a regular basis because I can’t go two days without punching something! I kept my abilities secret from you until it almost ripped us apart! I’m a trainwreck, Foggy, and you deserve better!”

_“MATT!”_

Matt flinched, and Foggy sighed. “Sorry about that, but it was the only way to get you to stop talking.” He put his hand on Matt’s shoulder. “Okay, first of all, you’re the one who decided to channel all that anger into fighting bad-guys, and if that doesn’t make you an amazing person, I don’t know what does. Second of all… you were right to keep that a secret. I thought about it, Matt, and I get it. And it was kinda selfish of me to ask that you tell me you have superpowers right off the bat.” Foggy laughed, and he felt Matt relax a little under his hand.

“Third of all, don’t you _dare_ try to tell me you’re not good enough for me. Matt Murdock, you are the most extraordinary person I have met in my life, and I can honestly tell you I’ve never met anyone I’ve wanted to be with more than you.”

Matt’s lower lip started trembling again, his eyes brimming over with tears. Foggy leaned forward and wrapped his arms around him, and Matt immediately clutched his shirt, burying his face in Foggy’s shoulder as if he was trying to suffocate his sobs. 

Soon the sobs died down to sniffles, and Matt’s grip on Foggy’s shirt got looser until his hands fell.

“I’m sorry...” 

“Hey, don’t be.”

“No, I mean… about your shirt.”

Foggy glanced down at his shoulder to find the fabric soaked with tears. “Pft, it’ll be fine. This shirt’s seen worse.”

There was a moment of silence. The kind where you can see the words hanging in the air, wondering if they’ll ever be said. In this case, the words were ‘what do we do now?’

Foggy decided to answer for them.

“Can I kiss you?”

Matt smiled. “I’d like that.”

His heart began to race as Foggy leaned in and caught Matt’s lips in his. Matt put his arms around Foggy and Foggy tangled his hands in Matt’s hair as their lips slid against each other, soft and wet and wonderful. Matt felt like this was where he belonged. 

When they finally broke away, they were both grinning like idiots. 

“Hey, Foggy?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

Foggy laughed. “I love you too, Matt. So do you believe me now when I say you deserve me?”

Matt rubbed the back of his neck. “Well not… not really, no.”

“Well then.” Foggy pressed another short kiss to Matt’s lips. “I’m going to do everything in my power to convince you otherwise.”  
Foggy dove back in and kissed Matt’s forehead. “You’re brave.” He kissed his cheek. “You’re selfless.” He kissed his other cheek. “You’re funny.” He kissed his nose, and Matt giggled despite himself. 

Soon Matt was covered in kisses and compliments, and he was laughing as Foggy attacked his neck.

“You’re smart.” Kiss.

“You have an adorable laugh.” Kiss.

“You’re so hot I don’t know how I survive looking at you.” Kiss. 

_Kiss._

_Kiss._

_Kiss._

_Then Foggy was his. And Matt was happy._


End file.
